Thursday, 17 March 2016

MRI Scan For Enlightenment.....

From within the confines of my office cubicle, I have dreamt of a secret escape. An escape to a place so edifying that it forces me to seek answers to the glorious mysteries of life. A place that makes me realize my deepest fears and understand my core beliefs. And then I entered a magnetic resonance imaging scanner.

A doctor recently recommended that I get an MRI scan of my spine done, so that he could point at a picture and declare that I have a slip disc. At the risk of sounding like a vegetable, I have to accept that I was excited. Something about experiencing something I never have, excited me. The doctor suggested that I change into a hospital robe. That excited me too because hospital robes are generally loose and airy, giving you the privilege of feeling thin and frail. I needed to feel so.

I removed every little metal that was on me, including the all-encompassing bra because the male nurse reminded me that the hooks might be of metal and metal isn’t treated well by the scanner. I could have told him that the hooks in mine were plastic but then decided to just go with his assumption. I was made to lie down on a motorized bed while the nurse gave me the necessary directions which included ‘Do not move for the next 15 minutes’, ‘Here, press this is you feel uneasy’ and ‘No, your eyes wont dissolve if you keep them open’. My ears were plugged and my legs were comfortably tucked inside a blanket. Then he left the scanning room.

Gently, the bed started to move into the cylindrical scanner, head first. I lay on the bed staring at the entrance of the scanning room that led to the world outside. There was a sense of calm and a privileged form of loneliness, the kind a baby might feel inside its mother’s womb, i.e, if the baby could feel and think at that time. And then the bed started moving again, taking me well inside the cylindrical dome.

All was well until the machine started to make a deafening noise. I froze inside, betting that what I was hearing was the emergency alarm, screaming that there was something insidiously wrong with the machine. By then I was fully inside the dome, with no light visible at the end of the tunnel. Just me, a remote in my hand and the machine screaming from all sides. My mind decided to make it even worse.

My Hippocampus started playing ‘Final Destination’ and all its sequels. The scene where two women die inside their tanning booths was particularly urging my bladder to burst. May be this is how Deadpool felt inside that glass box. May be I would wake up to be an Avatar. My heart begged me to press the big red button proudly sitting on the remote, but my intuition asked me to have a little faith.

Slowly my body adapted to the chaos around me and my mind started to tune it into a psychedelic trance track. My heart swayed with it and then right in between my artistic endeavour, a sudden realization hit me. I AM BLOODY ALONE IN THIS.

Life has been a little tumultuous of late, especially since I am expected to make decisions that are in the best interest of everybody who matter to me. Lying inside this plastic dome made me realize that through our struggles, we would be alone. No one can get an MRI scan for me. No one will suffer my decisions but me. People will love you, press their opinions on you and pray for you. But what they cannot do is live your life for you and suffer for you. So why take a life altering decision pressurized by the world when in the end, it would be you alone living through it all.

Who knew an MRI scan could be enlightening. May be there is a personal Buddha inside each one of us. Bodh Gaya might be too far, but an MRI scanner isn’t.

Book a scan now!

Image Courtesy- Somewhere in Pinterest.

Thursday, 10 March 2016


Marry for security. The guy you love shouldn’t be the one you marry.
Be practical when it comes to marriage. Never gamble. Instead settle for a safe bet because love wanes off and there is so much more to marriage than just love. ‘The Notebook’ is just a stupid book and an even more stupid movie that forces you to believe that two people can just have a synchronized death  on a single hospital bed because of some eternal love that mysteriously outlived Alzheimer's. Be realistic please! In life what really matters is security. Money is important. Social acceptance is even more important. And please, do not beat the drums declaring ‘‘He is the one!’’ because it makes you sound like an irrational fool.
You know that you are part of a society that looks at love as a game that should be played after marriage. You cannot just uproot yourself from that society and live life on your own terms with someone you think you are crazy about. You should marry somebody who the society accepts is right for you. Marry the money, the education and the religion of the man. Love might drop in later and even if it doesn’t, really its ok!
Marry for stability. You cannot wait for some man who begs you to believe in his dreams, the way he does and pleads for some time to prove that he can pay for your wardrobe. You are not a kid anymore and time is clicking.

So you settle for a stable, established man. Good job! Its ok to have days when you lie awake staring at this man’s face wondering why you never feel like nuzzling him while he sleeps. You used to feel it with someone from your past. But the past is dead and the past was filled with stupid dreams. So you sleep off. Some nights he gets on top of you and you have sex. You forget to make love.

In the morning while you clean the house and dust that expensive couch, you feel pleased at the secure life that you are in. Your husband brought such stability into your life. During breakfast you discuss the credit card limit, the pending bills and the carpentry work that needs to be done in the bedroom. Those deep philosophical talks, those stupid jokes and those random book reviews are all part of a past with someone else. You don’t expect that now. Now you are practical with no time to reflect.

Your parents like him and your temple allows him to enter. You are not sure if you like him but its ok, because one day you will get so used to him that you will think that this habit is love. You will be fine with it. Get a job and try to climb up the ladder. Helps you forget the vacuum in your heart.

Have a kid with him and then another kid. Your kids look beautiful they say and they are true. Start investing on lands, pay those insurance premiums and keep buying things. Make your house resemble a contemporary museum. Put your children in expensive schools and discuss the expense with your husband. Go for a movie and stare at the screen while your mind drifts into a secret chapter from your past. Eat that popcorn and then smile at your child. Watch your husband smile at them with the same distance in his eyes. Your life is secure.

Attend weddings and flaunt your family. Show everyone that you have made it. Keep giving importance to impressing the people around you because when you stop doing that, the pangs of regret hit you and you hate that. Soon you enter a midlife crisis.
You did a great job by not taking a risk and going for the man you love. It was a wise decision to not choose the person who made you happy in this short life that you live. You were right in running away instead of trying to work things out. You chose reality over some fantasy of yours.

After all, you knew that life is about everyday tasks and ignoring the mountain of regrets. You did well. You chose fear.
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