Thursday, 21 March 2013


The traditional concept of family needs to be redefined. Earlier to constitute a family all that was generally required was a male, a female and the fruits of their loins. But with the advent of time a new non- blood related member has found her way into this closely bound unit and that is a ‘KAAM WALI BAI’. 
Recently I discovered the sine qua non which determines the true maturity of a woman. When your casual talks with your girls shifts from the customary ‘Who is the bitch we all hate?’ to ‘Did your Bai come today?’ it is then that you realize that maturity or reality has finally dawned upon you. This is the age of the Bai, and your domestic life is handicapped without her.

We worship our Bai and we do not ever mess with our Bai. The rules of traditional employment are happily forgotten because her happiness is of our utmost concern. The Golden words ‘Mein Aaa Gayi Didi’ is all it takes to brighten up your day because it is she who keeps the balance of your house and her one uncalled holiday is a gazillion times worse than third degree torture in jail.

We had found Utopia a few months back, having found the perfect maid who was stupid enough to charge less. My ears had their own private tantric orgasm everytime they heard the sound of her footsteps entering our house. It was a beauty how she made sure the broomstick touched every inch of the room and the mop licked the entire house clean. The utensils smelled of Prill and smiled at me with satisfaction. She was the domestic Goddess and I her devotee. But Utopian existence is too good to be true and she left us to return back to her Tamil land. My Switzerland turned into dusty Iraq.

Two days of her absence, and my grandmother was lamenting by being on bed and praying for a miracle. My mother had gone bonkers and was now blaming me for being the useless bone who will be divorced by my future husband for not knowing a thing or two about house cleaning. My father started going to office early to escape the boiling temperature at home and came only late in the evening. My brother shut himself in the room. The loss was unbearable.

I began circling my colony asking every random person I spotted if they knew a good maid whom I could possibly hire. Now Indian families are very possessive about their Bai’s because sharing your Bai results in her being tired and coming to your place late and not cleaning your house well. You cannot even scold her for it lest she deserts you. So even when they had a maid evidently cleaning their front porch, people lied to me about the non availability of a Bai. Traitors and Barbaric brutes!!!

Yesterday the balance was restored, when our neighbours vacated their house and generously offered the services of their maid to us.  It was the best goodbye gift ever!

The smell of Prill has returned and the sound of broom as it sparkles up my house is back to tingle my auditory senses. I have presented the best groomed broomsticks available in the market at her service and the buckets are filled with water beforehand to make it easy for her to mop. So what if she charges a few hundred bucks more and so what if she orders me to make her tea everyday before she leaves. Isn’t it normal? Please tell me it is.

Diamonds might be a girl’s bestfriend, but if you truly love a woman, gift her a good maid. She would reward you generously for that, if you know what I mean!!

P.S- I have the most boring family ever. We visit the same restaurant everytime we feel like dining out and we order the same stupid Butter Chicken, Nan and Veg Jalfrezi every single time. Yesterday I admitted in a raised voice to my father about the spiceless existence we have. This resulted in him rolling up his sleeve and promising me a different restaurant and different meal yesterday night. He took us to Indian Coffee House and we all had Masaladosa. Sigh!!!

Image Courtesy-

Wednesday, 13 March 2013


‘NEED’ , the one word that I have grown to hate vehemently. Believe it or not, this tiny 4 letter word is so deceptive, that unknowingly your entire life runs on the illusory fuel it provides. You run, you get tired and during that run you even forget the purpose behind the rush. You even question yourself if you actually want to run. And then someone somewhere reminds you, that you ‘need’ to run. This is how every goddamn person alive on this godforsaken planet is surviving.

The point is, putting too much sense into everything makes it senseless. From the very inception of my life, I have been unknowingly injected with the concept of ‘NEED’. This is when the people around you trigger you to see life as a platform to attain everything that is needed and most of the time you are coaxed into believing that this is exactly what you want in your life. I need to get a respectable job because I need the appreciation of the society I live in. I need to be rich because I need to attain everything in the market that I don’t even need. I need to marry a checklist because I need the approval of the relatives I don’t even like. I need to put on a mask and crush my dreams because I need the support of my parents. I need my child to never pursue his talents because I need him to be better than the neighbour’s kid Einstein. I need money because I need money. Needing is all I have ever truly known. 

And then one day you realise that this was all just a rat race, a wasted life. By then you are so stuck in your fake little world made up of constant lies and futile needs, that you have no option but to continue your existence hating everything right from your respectable job, your checklist marriage, your child who now hates you, your big house filled up of objects that mean nothing, the money that gives you nightmare and yourself for living such a vain life. But then you learn a little trick. A trick that can be used to console yourself of the tragicomic existence that is you and that trick is ‘Judging’. You somehow get the audacity to actually compare your fruitless money to the genuine happiness of a person who isn’t as rich as you, judging a couple who survived all the lashings of the society just to be together while you are stuck with your checklist. You compare your friend’s kid who is a dreamer and an artist with your vain child who though makes big bucks out of your so called respectable job, hates you for crushing his dreams. You do everything that makes you feel better about your inconsequential life. Now you actually allow yourself to be blinded by ‘ Need’

Then you become the puppet master. You inject your child and then your grandchild with this theory of NEED and promote them to strangle their offsprings with it. Slowly the entire world survives on the NEED to please the people they don’t even care about. A Greek tragedy and a masked existence. 

But dreamers are blessed for they find a way out of this colossal mess. They are the enlightened ones who know the true path to happiness is not the one you took. They are good enough not to remind you of your vain existence while you continue to make their living hell for choosing a path away from your gold plated route of ‘NEED’. 

It is immaterial whether they make it or not for whichever angle you look at it, you would realize that they lived a better life than you ever did. Silent jealousy is all that you have now. 

The greatest evil unknown to man is 'NEED'.

P.S- Dark Post I know. Had to write this off my mind.