Saturday, 21 January 2012


Girl 1- You know what??!! Daisy has a boyfriend now. He found a job here and now stays in a rented house all alone. She stays on the weekends with him.
Girl 2- Are you serious??!! She stays with him? How long have they been going around?
Girl1- Around 6 mths. Yes she stays with him. I bet she would have done it by now. Lost her flower you know what I mean.
Girl 2- God! The slut! So desperate no?! You know Jennifer right? My roomie. She has been in a relationship for 5 years. They sometimes take trips together.
Girl 1- Oh! A premarital honeymoon I suppose! I am sure she has popped her cherry by now. Actually I think, they would have done it a lot of times!
Girl 2- But she told me that they are saving it till marriage and that the seal is not yet broken.
Girl 1- The girl is lying! Just trying to save her own skin.
Girl 2- You have a boyfriend na? How is he? Till what stage have you guys gone??
Girl 1- He is fine! Been 3 mths with him now. Well, we have just kissed twice. What about you?
             (No one will ever know that I slept with him in the very first month. People are so judgmental. Its better to keep quiet)
Girl 2- You know me well don’t you?! Even if my boyfriend craves for it, unless I am ready I won’t let him even touch me.
                (I have done everything except the last part and I might break it soon. But I think I should keep it to myself)

So this is an average girl talk. The moment you hear that a certain friend of yours decided to take a short vacation with her guy by driving all the way to Goa and spend some days there, your mind starts its devious work. You start to assume that they will spend nights and nights having turbulent sex, instead of actually enjoying the place. You ask your friend when she gets back, about her trip and when she tells you about it, you smirk unknowingly thinking about the amount of sex they might have had. You attest her as a sex addict who is just trying to cover her deeds up by telling false stories. Why do you do that? 

And even if they had sex, what makes you believe that you have the right to judge them. You yourself know that had you been in their place, you would have done the same. Even if you wouldn’t have, you have no right to attest them in any way whatsoever.

Moreover, unlike boys, girls lie to each other. We are so self obsessed and so conscious that we tend to lie. We just can’t help it. We hide our emotions, try to make our personality look clean, appear confident but deep within we know what we truly are. God only knows, when the drama will stop.

What about boys? Are they just the same?! I hope not.

P.S- I replied to the comments on my previous post. I don't feel like an asshole anymore.
Image Courtesy-

Wednesday, 18 January 2012


 Listen love birds. Today I am going to teach you a lesson or two. If you are someone who goes around telling everyone about your decade long love affair which is Disney like magical and will be surely followed by ‘the happily ever after’ part, then it is you who I am talking to and about. 

I am tired of people around me boasting about their Oh-So-Perfect lovers, who make their lives enchanting. I am tired of them telling me that they cannot imagine an existence without the love of their life. I am tired of hearing that they have planned their future and will go against the world just to get hitched to each other. Please, I beg you to cut the crap off. I do believe in love and I know that you tend to do lots of foolish things while you are in it. It’s a crazy dreamland where you go blind, dumb, deaf and sometimes even handicapped. You treat your so called soul mate as if he/she is the Sun your world is revolving around. So, I repeat, I do know a thing or two about love and its toxicity.

My dear victims of the barbaric Cupid, there are so many things that I would like to bring to your notice. I know that though on the outside you look like love struck zombies, deep within you are well aware of your insecurities and your confusions. You know that everything is not sugar and cake. Your mind knows it all but your heart continues the love chant. Then why do you go around blindly promising your supposedly better half about growing old together, giving names to nonexistent children, planning post retirement life and sometimes even wishing stupid things like dying in each other’s arms followed by being buried side by side? Why do you resemble a tortoise inside its shell at night, holding on to your phone and discussing in a very serious tone whether the colour of the curtains in your imaginary home will be deep purple or red? 

Let me now introduce you to the cardinal principle of this intangible thing called love and it is called ‘Honesty’. Be honest to your lover. I won’t use the term soul mate or better half or any other cranky word because you are not yet married to that person. Stop promising each other a happy married life together. Life is uncertain and so are you. I am not saying that you should not desire a life with them nor am I implying that you should not spend cosy nights in each other’s arms, talking about the number of children you both want. All I am saying is that ‘Desire’ is one thing and to ‘Promise’ is another. Do not promise things which you are not sure about.

Love is a strong and a strange feeling, but you cannot survive just on it. You cannot make ends meet and your stomach full by eating on Love. That shit is just for the movies and songs. Love vanishes over a period of time but you get so addicted to the person that you don’t realise that it was long gone. They become your habit and you don’t remember a life without them. 

Life is meant to be seen with your ‘Practical’ glasses on. Love your lover and tell them about your desire to spend the rest of your life with them. But let them know that you don’t promise it because you are a human being who can change in a split second. I have so many friends who were in long term relationships and had promised to stick to each other no matter what. They ended up getting dumped or being the one to dump. Why bet on something, you don’t have your hand on?

So kids, fall in love, dream, desire and build your own imaginary world. But please don’t promise anyone anything. If ‘Happily ever after’ has to happen, it definitely will. Till then, shut the fuck up. 

Sunday, 8 January 2012


There is a void inside me. An empty space which once was filled with emotions of pure love for the one who completed my puzzle called life. It had never been easy for us ever, but we fought through all the barriers to just be able to live with and love each other. A quiet marriage in the courtroom wasn’t my dream wedding but at that moment, he seemed to be my destination and me, his redemption. I was deemed dead by my father who though did not show it, was heartbroken by the fact that I, his only daughter chose to go against him for another man. I do not regret even one bit of it and if I had to do it all again, I certainly would.

But what went wrong then? I wish I had an answer. I wish I could be honest to the man for whom I left almost everything and everyone for. Yesterday was our second anniversary and I could still see in his eyes the boundless love he had for me. No compromises what so ever. But why do I feel nothing but sheer pity and sympathy for him? Where has the soul of our relationship gone? Why do I kiss him before he goes to work, out of duty which once used to be out of love? Why don’t I crave for him anymore? 

I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is a woman withdrawn from what she had finally achieved after years of craving for it. I was with the man who loved me to the extent of being mistaken as devotion. But somewhere along the way, I had lost the utmost love that I carried for him. Someday in the past 2 years, somewhere and somehow the love was gone as if someone had just ripped it off my chest. All I now felt was empathy and the guilt of loosing something which he deserved, my love. 

Every night, as he hugs me to sleep, I make a solemn promise of being able to wake up to a new morning with love for him brimming in my heart. But all I wake up to is an empty heart and a meaningless existence. 

Today, something got over me and I opened up to him. I told him of what had been eating me up from within. He questioned my loyalty, cursed me, cried before me like an infant, tried to raise his hand on me and even tried to make me love him again. He stopped trying when he saw nothing for him in my eyes. He had lost me.

I am right now in a hotel room. My hastily packed luggage sits aimlessly on the side. I am on the bed with my nails digging into the white cotton bed sheet and my eyes fixed at the fan which continues to do its monotonous duty of rotating. My life is not meant to work that way. I have nowhere to go now, but I am at peace. My family won’t take me back nor will I go back to the man who loves me like no one ever can. But I truly am at peace. I have no direction or destination nor do I know what tomorrow would be like. I might regret it all tomorrow but today, I am at peace.

P.S- I wonder how many people continue to be with someone even after the divinity of the relationship is gone. I wonder what makes them continue­ it even after the essence of it is dead. Maybe it is the fear of being judged or the fear of letting go of a stable existence. But more than anything, I think it is the fear of change.
P.P.S- I realize that I haven’t replied to the generous comments I received in my last post. Real Sorry! My University final semester just began and I am kept busy because of it. Thankyou so much for not hating me already!