Sunday, 26 June 2011



My life isn’t as funny as this blog suggests! Or maybe it actually is, but from the viewers point of view. I have been really wanting to write about something that has really touched the way I perceive the things around me and why we the MY-LIFE-IS-SO-STALE sulking people should be grateful that God let it remain stale and not spicy enough to kill us.


Last December I interned with CHRI. If your GK isn’t keeping pace, CHRI stands for Commonwealth Human Rights Initiative. A great NGO with a few good souls trying to make things better for the long forgotten sections of the society, including PRISONERS. You might wonder as to why do prisoners need help and I wont blame you because even I smirked when I read about it in the organisation’s web site. Let me remind you that this is a huge organisation dealing with all the commonwealth countries.

Because of my curiosity, I applied for the prison reforms department of the NGO and luckily got in. It was fun at first but then as always it got dull and utterly boring and that’s when I got this offer. I along with the department heads have to visit this tiny village/ city ALWAR in Rajasthan for a week and go to the Central Prison and conduct interviews. Off course I got hyper! Visiting a prison and that too conduct personal interviews of the DAKOOS, RAPISTS, MURDERERS, DRUG DEALERS, sounded cool to me for some alien reason.

We reached Alwar and it is looked like a moving picture to me. Exactly like you see in the paintings. Colourful turban adorned men playing cards by the street, camels, and women with pots on their head. I felt like the perfect tourist! But this is not I came here for. Atleast not completely! I was here to interview the under-trials. Under-trials mean the prisoners who have been accused of committing an offense and are not actually punished. I mean to say that their case is still going on in the court and actually not decided.

I entered the Central Prison the next day and on the outside it looked beautiful. The Jailor was good to me and it seemed like everyone respected him. There were some white KHAKI clad men who were taking care of the records. The jailor told me that these white uniformed men were actual convicts who have been given life sentence for murder, rape, dacoity. I gulped because these were the people who would be helping me out with the record keeping. They seemed innocent to me though! I still did not understand why prisoners needed protection and rights.

Hospital stretcher turned into a table and seats were provided. The 368 undertrials in the prison where alphabetically categorized, with the age group being from 15 to 80 yrs. I was ordered to just ask the questions and not get any deeper because they get very emotional especially the women. So, the stern face of mine helped or maybe it did not. You know you picture murderers, rapists, dacoits to be those rugged faced, evil shine in the eye, a big scratch on the face type, but they never are. These were really sweet people who did not even try to judge someone who didn’t know anything about their life, interviewing them. Each one of them had weird names though. KALU BHAI, MOTURAM (this was as thin as a toothpick), SALEEM a.k.a HITLER RASHEED and so on.

These people needed real help. They were here just because they were accused of something and not actually held guilty by the Court. A guy who was accused of steeling a gold chain had been waiting for the courts decision since 4 yrs, while Mr LAWBOOK clearly states that if proven guilty the maximum time of imprisonment would be 3 years! Another guy could not even sit properly and he tried to escape the looks of the jail authorities and tell me that in the police station he was beaten up and then hung from the ceiling and his legs where pulled in opposite directions till it snapped. All I could do was listen. Another guy told me that he was caught sleeping in the railway station and the police arrested him and charged him of murder and some unfinished cases. His widowed mother and sister still have no idea where he is. He is the sole bread earner of the family too. A man of 73 yrs old was here because some drugs where found on his farm. If found guilty he could be in jail for minimum 10 years to maximum life. This old man had severe gangrene and he faints every two hrs because of lack of medicine. He claims that a treatment for this is not available in the jail and the medicine he got from the previous checkup is over. His feet were literally like rotting tomatoes and he was forced to remove slippers before getting inside the interview room while I was allowed to get in with my muddied sandals! I am not saying that these people are innocent. Maybe they are lying. But the opposite cannot be ignored unless the justice cycle is complete. There was not even one who was a school graduate and were mostly illiterate. No lawyers, no clue how their case is going on in the court or are they just dusts for the legal system. Those with lawyers are looted till they have to sell off their lands to pay the fee and then one day the lawyer disappears. The magistrate sitting in court is always on leave and their case is never decided.

All we could do is interview them and then leave to our starred hotel rooms while they wait in anticipation and never loosing hopes. I and the heads managed to jot down the names of the inmates who had no lawyers and gave to the jailor. They have every right for a free lawyer which the government clearly states it provides. About the gangrene affected old man, I hope he is alive till Justice is rendered!

P.S- I don’t expect many readers for this because this is my first ever serious post and no one actually cares to read such long posts. But I wrote it for me!

Tuesday, 21 June 2011


I have been coming across some brutal accent tragedies. The way certain things are pronounced is really killing my brain cells! The incorrect pronunciation creates so many hubbubs, yet it’s so hard to control the tummy tickling it gifts me sometimes. Here are the some pronunciations which have made me FOMFCLATGM (Fall Of My Frigging Chair Laughing And Try to Gag Myself)

Shatter Line One- I have never tried CHUM PUG NEE
           I was flabbergasted! When your friend whom you are secretly jealous of tells you that she hasn’t ever tried this strange sounding thing, you get stuck in a nerve crunching dilemma. How can you tell her that forget trying it, you haven’t even heard of this beauty of a thing. But I gathered the courage and told her that I haven’t too. Moments later she points at an image in the Magazine she had been reading and it struck me. She was all this while talking about CHAMPAIGNE. I just wanted to die and attain nirvana!

Shatter Line Two- CHAAV RUU LAATE
          I really thought it might be some Latin phrase like Carpe Diem! I Googled it but couldn’t find out the true meaning. Seemed to me like it had some real deep meaning to it. I used Google translator and tried Latin, Greek, French, Spanish but no rescue came! Finally I gave up and went to the guy who had spoken those magical words. The line was ‘‘He has a CHAAV RUU LAAATE’’. On further questioning he brought out a  catalogue and pointed to the main page header ‘CHEVROLET’. *Hard face slap*

Shatter Line Three- PAAND
         This was the winner! How can someone mispronounce certain simple words? Is their tongue having issues? I went to Allen-Solly outlet the other day and asked for some black trousers and the female replied, “You want PAAND?”. I was like “No just the trousers! Is PAAND a new trend? Like Jeggings?”. “ No Madam, you want black PAAND?”. “Fine, show it to me”. She disappears only to arrive a minute later with some black PANTS! Hell might be so entertaining!!!! Don’t even ask what a simple Panty can be pronounced as. Kungfu Panda’s younger sister, PANDY!

PS- You would have figured out by now that my thought accentuating areas of the brain are on strike. Better post next time!

Image Courtesy-

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Honey I need your Money

 Lately I have been reading some posts where men are tearing their hair out because they see Babelicious chicks cooing around total dorks and snobbish faced men. There can be two reasons for this unnatural yet widely found phenomenon.

First Bomb- Love is Blind, Dumb, Deaf or maybe totally Mutilated.

Second Bomb- Honey the bozo is stuck with a Golddigger.

For those who are new to the word, our Urban Dictionary defines the Golddigger as ‘Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man's bank account than she does about the man.’

Golddiggers have been evading our lands just like the mosquitoes, the only difference being that instead of blood they dry suck out money. The best thing about these diggas is that they are like swans, beautiful and mesmerising or in crude words bootyliciously hot! The naive beast faced boyfriend doesn’t even know that her honey is money instead of him and that her priority is financial security over love, romance, looks and even compatibility.

The poor puppet of a boyfriend is just used to satisfy her never quenching material thirst and ones his financial limelight is gone, she kicks his ass with her high heels and leaves in search for her next ATM machine-man. Interestingly with the advent of the better brained human being, the men folk having these diggas as their girlfriend do know for the fact that they are being used for their money. But they play on since they know that this is the best they are going to get and this is the only way they can flaunt in front of their better looking buddies. They give her what she wants and in return get what they need. In short ‘A golddigger is a hooker just smarter’.

When it comes to physical intimacy, these diggas usually like a token of money oozing gifts to be given for rendering further services. Expensive dates, drilling the pocket gifts keeps them satisfied and glued to the ignorant male and ones its gone, so is she. Mostly these women are financially shattered souls or girls without enough pocket money or just the ones who like the money pouring in.

So next time you go to a bar and a chick approaches you and instead of your name asks you if you could buy her a drink, then honey you have just witnessed a professional and a total game player Golddigger.

Photo Courtesy- justinmchood,com

Monday, 13 June 2011


Oh my poor readers!! I am so going to break the bubbles of your expectation. I have been nostalgic lately and have been constantly basking in the ambience of my cherished memories. Two years back I turned twenty and my doting Father gifted me the best gift I could ever dream of. He had managed to keep safely, my almost destroyed 1st Birthday Video Cassette with him and spent quite a fortune to make it viewable enough and gifted it to me. It also had my very first UNATTENDED and ON-MY-OWN walk. When I say ‘unattended’, I choose to ignore the constant watch of my Father and the saving grasp of my tiny hands on my underwear. Yes!! That helps a lot in the balancing act I swear!

So here it is! A minute long video of my first ever walk. I have spent  a considerable amount of time trying to cut this special part out for you and bigger chunk to upload it. So you better watch it. And Yes it’s a NUDE VIDEO too :P

P.S- The Grandfather reading the paper behind and the House are no more a part of my quintessential life. But  the moments and the memories live forever in the heart. I am blessed! GOD I WINK AT YOU :)

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Why Should I Be Getting Married

1)      FRUIT THEORY-According to Amma girls are like Fruits as in the Apple, Banana, Orange kind. As she purports, the theory rightfully suggests that like fruits go bad after some time, girls too after an age go bad. Thus, they should be eaten/ married before the spoilage time. When asked about the spoilage post marriage she remarks “CAVEAT EMPTOR” which as most of you know means ‘LET THE BUYER BEWARE’.

2)      THE BABYUSER THEORY-I am tired of going to the shop and asking for Johnsons baby products. The old man gawks at me and then scans me from head to toe. Why can’t a 22 yr old girl use that product? Is it clinically prohibited? After marriage and ones the so called baby Red Handed comes, I can use the kid as the means to get my products. That way even the eerie looks can be escaped.

3)      ATM THEORY-I have come to a stage in my life where I am stuck. Final year of college and isn’t even sitting for placements since Law Firms and its heavy pocket salary doesn’t interest her ( Hard face slap). Wants to pursue higher studies and is interested in Government services and NGO’s but life is uncertain. So at this point getting married is the best option especially when the wants are always running 1000km/hr faster than the needs. A marriage to an ATM machine sounds generous enough.

4)      ON YOUR FACE THEORY-The relatives who have been stalking my Facebook account and gossiping about the mystery man can finally get it ON THEIR BLOODY FACES. I am tired of the cousins and aunties whose mug-heads are topped with halos, looming over my facebook profile and later asking me who is the guy I am talking to. I am tired of changing my privacy settings to the point that I have deleted half of the relatives and now my life is more bitched about than their favourite soaps villain.

5)      GOLD THEORY- Like I have mentioned in one of my previous post, being a Malayalee there is a lot of Gold involved in the marriage. I want to get married before the gold collected increases the amount I can put up with and stand throughout the ceremony.

P.S- I have not reached the SPOILAGE TIME and marriage is no where in the cards right now, but sometimes you think about marriage how much ever tom-boyish you are as a girl. Blame is to be put on the one who made me think about it. Sometimes you are so happy with certain moments spent that you just want to make it all yours and have it all your life. I am talking nonsense now.

P.S.S-  Sorry for posting this. Having my Stupid yet happy about it phase of life. If i find that anyone of you have stopped following me after this post, i am gonna start my famous VOODOO.The entire post makes no sense but was written because the writer wanted to. She has lost her mind. Prayers needed! 

Photo Courtesy- 

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

How Many Kinds Of Friends You Got?

The Chuddy Buddy- These types are the ones you come across when you are in your chuddy days. Not that I mean you walk without them now but this category of friends are made when you are in the teletubby watching age. The ‘Hi!Mela naam ABCD hai. Kya tum mele sath kheloge’ age. These are the best kinds because they have known you all your life and you can remain your own self come what may, rather than the present sketch the world has chalked out. But the bad thing is these types might not even know the existence of your current avatar and you never show it to them too because that’s best.

The Old Friend- Prone to be mistaken with the first category but the difference is these are the comparatively less loved ones. Mostly a phrase used by your father or relatives when they say “ Oh Beta! Mr Puranadost is an old friend of mine. Main usse bolke tera internship wahan karva doonga” type. You get the picture don’t you? These come in handy for future favors. Just know that some day even your present enemies will call you his/her old friend and that day my friend will be your day of redemption. *Evil Laugh*

The New Friend- The type you just met and whose future in your little life story remains unknown and questionable (subject to vice-versa rule). You can include your recently made College friends or Work friends in this category since the margin of how much you like them continues to fluctuate hundred times more than the stock market graph.

The Friend with Benefits- Oh!! I read your mind and I know what you are thinking. So don’t act like you don’t know what this means. For crying out loud even my lil brother knows the meaning and it is ‘Friendship+sex=sex buddies’. Growing in its numbers as we talk, these are the most benevolent and self satisfying type. Need no more explanation I guess.

The Nameless Friend-These are the type you refer to as “You know my pimple faced friend.” or better still “That friend of mine called. You know that traditional oily haired chick from my work”. You know their names but you find it more amusing to refer to them by your own made pathetic adjectives like “the gay looking hairless chest bearing friend of mine is coming down for dinner”

The Secret-Bank Friend- Yes these are the confidants. The type you spill your secrets to because they have this hypnotizing yet hallowed aura around them. You trust them blindly and tell even your dirtiest secrets as if they are church priests. But mind you these kind are the biggest Gossip mongers and will be bartering your secrets for someone else’s !

The Just-Friends Kind- Again these are the ‘Are tu chup kar. ABCD and me are just friends’.  You see this everywhere these days. It’s like the thunder before the commitment status. All celebrities vouched to be Just friends with their partners a week before they burned in the fumes of commitment.

The Enemy Friend- They are originally the people you hate but desperately need. They could be your roommate, team mate, a genius classmate, your boss. According to the statistics (which I just made up), 99.9% the hatred is two ways.

The Resurrected Friend-  The ex friend who just sprang back to life after years of dead status. They come back after so long that you even forget why the friendship died. But wait!! They will remind you the reason again!

The Ex-friend- Friends who are now your top rated enemies. Reasons could range from money, backstabbing, lies, sex or everything. No more description.

The Crushed Friend- This is what makes a lot of people Emo-ish these days.The boy loves the girl and blah blah blah but the girl gives the boy the FRIEND status. The girl likes everything about the guy and wants her future boyfriend to have the character traits of her FRIEND guy. Its like telling him ''I like your Resume but i wont be giving you the job''. So you get the whole idea. For the guy, the girl is a CRUSHED FRIEND

P.S- I gave you two posts today. It would be clear to you by now that I am bored and have nothing better to do with my life right now. Holidays are ending and I might not be drugging you with my posts for a week starting now. Till then miss me. *Gives a Creepy hypnotizing look*

P.S.S- There are more kinds but my brain is getting dizzy. So add up any other extra types you know exist, in the comment box :)


Melodious Suicide

I know the title was a bit troubling but that’s all my mind came up with. I am at home currently and you all know you get VIP treatment for first few days and then its all back to square one kind. Bored of TV and its ‘Ratan ka rishta’ kind of reality swayamvars and UTV bindass dung balls!

So I took up a task of going through my entire music collection and list out some songs which will make you teary eyed and for those who are probable suiciders, this might just act like a catalyst.

Rank 1- HURT by Johnny Cash –It has very touching lines and the dark melody plus the deep baritone of this legendary singer might just take you to the dark sides of life which you will easily relate to.
                    Fav lines- what have I become?
                                     my sweetest friend
                                     everyone I know
                                     goes away in the end
                                     and you could have it all
                                     my empire of dirt
Link to the lyrics-
Rank 2- Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley- A song for the loved and lost. The lines are so touching and still beautiful. It’s a story beautifully told.
                     Fav Lines-She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
                                       She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
                                       We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
                                        But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
                                        Until the night
                                        He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
Link to the lyrics-

Rank 3- Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton- This song was written and sung by him following the death of his four-year-old son who fell from a window of the 53rd-floor New York apartment of his mother's friend. So you can imagine the pain in this song.
                      Fav lines- Would you know my name
                                        If I saw you in heaven
                                        Will it be the same
                                        If I saw you in heaven
                                        I must be strong, and carry on
                                        Cause I know I don't belong
                                        Here in heaven

Link to the lyrics-

Rank 4- And so it goes by Billy Joel- You can relate to this song in so many different ways. A true classic sung by an epic artist. About love lost and how the heart collects those broken pieces and loves again.
                           Fav Lines- And every time I've held a rose
                                             It seems I only felt the thorns
                                             And so it goes, and so it goes
                                             And so will you soon I suppose

Link to the lyrics-

Rank 5- Dance with my father by Luther Vandross- As the title suggests, the song is about a little kid who wants his father back from God and about the pain his mother is going through. No one can sing this the way Luther Vandross has. I bet that this one will make you weep. One of my favourites
                            Fav Lines- When I and my mother would disagree
                                               To get my way I would run from her to him
                                               He’d make me laugh just to comfort me,
                                               Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Link to the lyrics-

Now that I have done the impossible by boosting the depression oriented emotions, I would end this post with a photo I recently came across in twitter. From Kerala or Tamil Nadu I guess. 

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Love maybe just an Overrated emotion

Girl- You are always soo busy..i wanna break up..HUH
        (thinks he will be cute enough to cuddle up and call her back)
Boy- I am right now having Pizza and my hands are full of cheese. I don’t have time for
         your nonsense. If you wanna leave then leave.
        (knows that she has done this several times and has always come back without him
Girl- Nonsense? I was joking. Why cant you understand that much? All I wanted was you
         b a little bit cute and cuddle up and call me back. Instead you call what I did
Boy- I told you I was busy and I message you even when my hands are full of cheese and it’s all over the mobile phone. I cant be with a girl who says breakup and is so weak.
Girl- Like I haven’t messaged you while juggling things I got to complete. All I wanted that you call me back and be cute.
Boy- I am not week and I am not a fool to call back a girl who wants to breakup for such silly things.
Girl- I repeat it was a joke and I even put a HUH in the end. I made sure. You know I never go away and I never leave but would it hurt if you try to call back? Is it against your MACHO image?
Boy- You are lame and dumb and I won’t call you back. Come back when you have brushed away your weak and dumb attitude.
Girl- Let me see how long it takes for you to call me
Boy- You have said bye and tc several times since last night.
Girl- Yes foolish me!! Still msging. bye nd Fuck Off!
Boy-  Bye. You have lied to me several times and I should have dumped you. But I dint. You don’t deserve me. You deserve someone like your ex. Fuck off bitch.
Girl- All I wanted was you call back. You know I wouldn’t leave. Bye
Boy- Buhbye

What can you call a relationship like this? Overconfidence that lead to stagnation and death?Both weren't wrong but everything ended up because they thought just about their own self rather than as a couple or maybe about each other..

Relationships are strange! Try never to be in one :P

Saturday, 4 June 2011

And the Award goes to

And so I have been thinking. This is my blog and I haven’t been writing much about myself and what else provides me a better excuse than WRITER'S BLOCK. So I am just going to scan the 22yrs I have lived so far and present awards to certain incidents in my life in the following categories.

The “Gulp me Oh Mother Earth Moment” Award- Age 17- Our miss RED HANDED never had stage fear. She has learnt Carnatic Sangeet (which she remembers no more) for 9 never-ending years. Our Red used to perform every year at a cultural meet in her town where around 1500 people used to squeeze in the auditorium to witness the show. Clearing her throat she makes her way gallantly to the stage and starts singing a famous Lord Krishna keertan. Halfway through it, there is a pause and some nincompoops think that the music show is done and start clapping violently. To their dismay the music continues and Miss Red Handed has to sing the next para. But you know her. She is born with an extra tickle bone and so she laughs into the three microphones fixed in front of her. So loud that I am sure our own KUMBHAKARNA would have been awake hearing that. The laugh continued as long as the song was meant to last and once the time was over she gave a giggle and left the stage. What happened at home is still a blur.

The “Forrest Gump is a genius before you” Award- Age 18- Miss Red Handed sees a parrot being sold on her way back from the Parents teacher meet and forces her Dad to buy it for her. “Rs 20/- what the heck?” her Dad thinks. The parrot is bought and so are some chillies and mangoes and guava for the parrot. Red loved her bird and feeds it all day long to the point that the bird started acting like a ZOMBIE. It would remain at the same place without moving a muscle. The troubled Red contacted her ‘I hate birds trapped in cage’ Dad who told her that the bird had diarrhea or constipation and should be allowed to step out of the cage. The trusting daughter opened the cage and allowed the parrot out to catch some fresh air and stretch its muscles. The bird gave her a 'You are the dumbest human i have ever come across' look, danced around the cage for some time and flew away.

The “Aww I am so loved Award- Age 18- She had her 12th pre-board exams in the month of December and you all should know that our Miss Red loves to attend marriage receptions in the month of December since the hot and butter loaded MOONG KA HALWA is the love of her life. A family friend living some blocks away was getting married and it was a huge thing but sadly Red couldn’t be a part of it. Her Dad bought a Sexy Grey Raymond’s suit for himself and the entire family went for the reception while Red stayed back. Some hours later her family returns and her lil brother enters the room with a paper bowl filled with moong ka halwa saying that Dad couldn’t eat it thinking about her, so he hid it and brought it. Red ran to her Dad to ask why he did so and the answer was “Anything to make you happy” .She didn’t ask him how he brought it since it was evident. There was a big oil stain on his Brand new coat pocket.

Well I don’t think anyone would read a longer post than this and so the award ceremony has an abrupt end.

P.S- More awards to be given and thanks to some very special people in my life for making everything so beautiful! My family, the three best friends who have been with me since the age of 4 and a Ghost who makes my life cuter as the days pass by. 
Image Courtesy-

Wednesday, 1 June 2011


 There is a famous Malayalam proverb which when translated goes something like, “it’s when you loose an eye that you realize its value”. Now why am I suddenly bringing it up here? It’s just that I am stuck in an emotional wreck right now.

Our prawn shaped lungi clad land of Kerala is famous for three things- Eating rice, Drinking TODDY (followed by the famous half mast lungi erratic dance) & Gold mania. But very less is the fourth and the most common feature of this land known and that is STARING.

Staring as defined by our own WIKIPEDIA is- ‘a prolonged gaze or fixed look. In staring, one object or person is the continual focus of visual interest, for an amount of time.’ But in my land you get more. The amount of time given to one person can continue even beyond the point when you show discomfort and ask the person to quit gawking. I am not talking about ‘man stares at bootylicious woman’ kind of stare but the ‘Equality before law’ kind of stare. Men will stare and even women will stare. You don’t have to look good to be stared at, nor skimpily clad. A fully covered Salwar-kameez will give you equal eye exposure.

KSRTC (Monster Bus) is the cheapest way to travel in and around Kerala and it is in here that you get served with the best and unprecedented kind of staring ,especially if you happen to be standing since the men are sitting on the seats reserved for women and you let them sit because they think they are ladylike. The men stare at your face and then the gaze runs down and up and sideways. They have literally scanned you out while you suspect their glasses to have an X-RAY machine fixed in them. The women crowd stares at you with a grim but demeaning look and your mind suddenly starts to calculate the reason behind that look. Is it because I don’t wear gold, or because I am wearing jeans or because my hair is not matching the level of oil required? Relief touches me when I see that I am not the only one being stared at. The staring does not stop even after you get down on your stop. The eyes continue to be stuck on you from the windows. I shudder and walk towards my den (the hostel) when I am welcomed by two eyes fixed on me. The mundu clad uncle on Pulsar showing off his hairy legs stares at me with a ´Hey Babeee’ look, while his better half does her part by giving me the ´blank stare’.

After my semester got over I decided to take a trip to Singapore and its friendly neighbors to sooth my senses. I landed and I noticed that not a single soul was interested in my existence. Not one stare, not even a fraction of second lasting look. I was happy to notice that even the prettiest of females wearing shorts and sleeveless tops were not being looked at. To my bitterest shock, it was me who was staring at them. Never thought that Kerala could have such an effect on me. I have been pampered by so many stares that now not getting one makes me troubled. Kerala does that to you. Gives you the importance you don’t need and it has definitely left a mark on me.

P.S- I Love Kerala and only i and my fellow Keralites have the right to make fun of it and its people!  Wokay???